Fairy Tale Reversed Page 3

  ‘Commander Holder is more than just a brave man, child! He is a Northern god sent to help us!’

  Of course, now I know exactly what my father meant, but at that time, I saw no connection between the frozen North, our Christian god and Lord Holder. What I did know however was that, thanks to the brave Commander, our borders with the German neighbours were now safe, and they remained that way for many more years to come. My childish infatuation with Lord Holder gradually waned when my father appointed him the country’s ambassador. Because his new duties requested his presence away from Bohemia, I forgot him.

  For the next four or five years, my time was spent in the gardens, still attempting to climb reluctant trees, and in the nursery, playing with wooden toys. Sometimes, father would take me riding with him on his horse. I enjoyed it so much, that he bought me a white young colt for my ninth birthday.

  ‘He is your responsibility now, Irena,’ my father said, as he handed me the reins. ‘You must take good care of him, feed him, help him grow strong and beautiful and he will always be faithful to you!’

  I received the wonderful gift with a scared and serious gesture. My father’s words had triggered the sense of duty in me, the new idea that I needed to care for something in order to possess it. I named the horse Sníh[1], as tribute to his immaculate white hair, and I became a constant presence at the stables. I had befriended all the grooms and, in exchange for smuggled cookies from the kitchens, they taught me to currycomb Sníh, to feed him apples and carrots, which he daringly ate from my hand directly. Quite soon, I was able to saddle him by myself and go ride in the castle grounds with my father. Those were happy and peaceful years I now hold in sweet remembrance.

  The following year, my father remarried. At first, I was happy and excited to have a new mother. All the ladies at court favoured me; the chambermaids, the cooks, my nanny, all practically adored me. It was obvious that a new mother—such sweet word for the one who has never tasted the unique love—would adore me most of all. Oh, but had I known how profoundly mistaken I was! How naive and simple-minded!

  A day before the wedding, I asked my father again.

  ‘Is Lady Alzbeta very beautiful?’ I said, my eyes already envisioning an icon of beauty and kindness.

  ‘Yes, my daughter, she is!’ my father answered. ‘She is beautiful and radiant! You will love her!’

  ‘But do you think she’ll like me?’

  ‘Of course, Irena! You’ll see, she’ll adore you the moment she lays her eyes on you—how could she not?’ my father encouraged, seating me on his knees. ‘But you must promise me to behave yourself; be good and ladylike when she arrives tomorrow! No frogs in your pockets, no ladybugs, just some nice flowers!’

  ‘Yes, father, I promise!’

  And I kept my promise. Nana plaited my hair with daisies and helped me dress my prettiest white dress that made me resemble a stiff cream puff. When the royal carriage stopped before the great entrance, I put on the biggest smile, eager to recognize the lovely woman in the picture that my father had described. Dressed in golden silk, Lady Alzbeta of Moravia was lovely indeed, an exceptional statuesque beauty, and the entire court applauded in awe.

  ‘Welcome, my darling!’ father said, helping her put a delicate foot on Bohemian ground.

  ‘I’m so happy to be here, my love!’ she crooned in a high voice.

  ‘My daughter, Princess Irena!’ father presented me, giving me a gentle nudge forward.

  I approached timidly, holding out the great bouquet of white roses that Nana had helped me put together. Only then did Lady Alzbeta turn and look at me, and I immediately realised how an insect must feel when a wicked child is ready to step on it and squash it. The look in Alzbeta’s beautiful blue eyes could freeze the entire castle in a cloak of snow and ice. My heart racing in the panic of not understanding, I handed her the flowers with trembling hands, but looked away from her, scared.

  ‘Charming,’ Lady Alzbeta said briskly, and she threw the bouquet in the hands of a maid that had followed her out of the carriage.

  In her own turn, the maid threw the flowers inside the carriage, since she was already busy unloading voluminous luggage. The gesture made all high expectations and visions of motherly love implode inside me. I turned on my heels and ran back into the castle, ignoring my father’s indignant cry, stopping only in the safety of my room. Once there, I rushed to the table and gathered the remaining roses and pink ribbons, throwing the lot in the fireplace. Drowned in misery, I stood crying before the fire, watching silently until the flames consumed the last of my hopes.

  From that first brief and unsuccessful meeting, I could easily see that Lady Alzbeta would never be my mother. I knew it, she knew it, and it was evident that she had not come to Bohemia with such intentions. My father alone kept nurturing faint hopes, but after a few months, even he had to admit that the new Queen and I had absolutely nothing in common.

  At about the same time, my father began to find less and less motives to come see me or ride with me in the grounds as we used to. He was always busy, always preoccupied with vital matters of the state and, somehow, the Queen was always involved in whatever reasons he found. Losing the mother I had never had was one thing; losing a beloved father’s affection was a far greater pain. I recalled my nanny’s wise words about suffering making us stronger, but they were no consolation to me now. I spent my days in painful solitude, grooming my horse and riding in the grounds by myself. I soon became used to loneliness and embraced it as a protective shield.

  For my tenth birthday, my father offered me a rose garden at the back of the park. I started caring for it immediately and followed Constantin, our gardener, everywhere he went, learning everything he knew. That evening, I stubbornly planned not to attend to my own anniversary banquet, and I was still digging at the roots of a rose bush when Nana found me.

  ‘Come, come, child, what are you still doing here? We’ve got to get you ready for the feast!’

  ‘I’m not going,’ I mumbled stubbornly.

  ‘Oh, yes, you are!’ Nana said, dragging me across the garden. ‘Your blue silk dress is ready—everyone’s waiting, your father, your mother—’

  ‘She’s not my mother!’ I jumped, wrenching my hand away from hers.

  We arrived in my chamber and mutinously, I watched Nana shaking her disapproving finger at me.

  ‘Yes, she is and it’s your duty to win her affection, like it or not!’

  ‘It is she who doesn’t like it, not me!’ I retorted, wounded. ‘I tried, Nana, you know I tried—’

  ‘What exactly did you try, Irena? You gave her flowers the day she got here. What else did you do to try? Did you keep her company? Did you behave well?’

  I looked down, my indignation greatly subdued. I knew, in essence, that Nana was right, but I could not explain to her the terribly cold look I had seen in the Queen’s eyes that day. Nana smiled all-knowingly, her genial mood back in place—she always forgave me too easily and could not stand to see me sulking. She stroked my hair and pinched my cheek, then took me by the hand and guided me to the water basin.

  ‘Now, stop moping and let’s get you all dressed and fancy!’ Nana said, zealously scrubbing the dirt off my face and hands. ‘Even his Lordship Commander Holder is come tonight!’

  She grinned, throwing me a superior glance. That was the ace out of my nanny’s sleeve. She knew that I still remembered Commander Holder on his black horse, returning triumphantly from war—I certainly wanted to look good for him! So, I let Nana curl my hair, then put silk stockings and a frilly blue dress on me.

  Half and hour later, I entered the great hall in full round of applause and went to sit on my father’s left side, determined to be on my best behaviour. The King held a speech and the entire court stood up, raising their cups to my health.

  ‘Princess Irena!’ my father intoned.

  ‘Princess Irena!’ the court answered, one deep melodious voice to my right clearer that the rest.

  I turned around and saw him: sitting on the Queen’s other side, more beautiful than an archangel, Lord Damian Holder was raising his cup to my health, smiling the glorious smile I had never really forgotten. His vivid green eyes twinkling, he nodded curtly at me, then drank his wine, sitting down again. My cheeks burning, I gulped down some water and spent the entire evening eavesdropping on the conversation from three chairs away from me. Of course, I understood very little of what was being discussed of diplomacy and foreign liaisons, but his presence back at court meant something exceptionally bright on my usually grey horizon.

  A few days later, after quite a long time, my father saw fit to summon me in his study—it had to be really important. Eager to further display my rebellious and indignant nature, I did not bother cleaning my attire after digging in the garden. So, I boldly presented myself full of dirt and the occasional dead leaves before the King and Queen of Bohemia.

  ‘Yes, father?’ I spoke clearly, curtseying briskly.

  ‘Ahem,’ the Queen cleared her voice, sweetly. ‘It is “yes, your Majesty”!

  She sighed and shook her head, as though already used never to expect better from me. I simply ignored her, but that was obviously not the response she had been expecting and she pressed the matter again.

  ‘Irena, you should really learn your royal manners, dear, you are no longer a child!’ she simpered falsely. ‘Sulking and moping in the presence of your august father is not proper behaviour for the Princess!’

  Stubbornly, I kept my eyes fixed on my father’s face, my anger threatening to reach the surface.

  ‘Leave her be, Alzbeta, she is still ten, nonetheless!’ the King spoke conciliatorily, his hand patting his wife’s shoulder.

  ‘When I was ten, I already knew my place at court and I had alread
y learned all the Psalms by heart!’ she argued wisely.

  ‘And yet, I am willing to wager that the Princess will learn everything even faster than you, your Majesty!’ a deep voice said, making my heart stutter.

  From around a high marble column, Lord Holder appeared before me, a blazing smile lighting the room. His dark hair long and soft on his shoulders, his sword at his side, the ambassador was wearing a deep blue brocade tunic, and his beautiful long-fingered hands were carrying a high stack of books. I began regretting not having changed my dress and immediately looked down, mortified with my improper apparel.

  ‘Irena, you remember, of course, our Commander and ambassador, Lord Holder?’ my father said, ceremoniously.

  ‘Yes…yes, of course,’ I answered, my eyes flashing up to him.

  Lord Holder placed the books on a table and approached me, his green eyes twinkling mysteriously.

  ‘Princess Irena,’ he greeted, taking my hand to his lips.

  My cheeks were burning, but I smiled, delighted with such reverence. From the corner of my eye, I saw the Queen wrinkling her nose.

  ‘Milord,’ I greeted back, curtseying.

  ‘Lord Holder will henceforth be your tutor and guardian,’ my father spoke, resuming his matter-of-fact tone. ‘Neither your mother nor I have now the time to take charge of your education, therefore—’

  The rest of the King’s words faded away into a hazy echo, but the central core of the message rang loud and clear: my father could no longer be my father, so he was naming a replacement. Biting my lips, I looked down at my dirty boots, my fingers fretting with the garden scissors in my pocket. I could feel Lord Holder’s inquisitive gaze on me, but I did not turn.

  ‘You will start lessons tomorrow morning in the library,’ I heard my father say undisturbed.

  I stared at the floor in mutinous silence for a while, then burst angrily:

  ‘What if I don’t want to? What if I don’t want any lessons?’

  ‘Once and again, our Irena succeeds in impressing everyone with her unpleasant character!’ the Queen scoffed.

  She went to Lord Holder and placed a delicate hand on his shoulder.

  ‘You must forgive our daughter, Milord…so far, her upbringing has been perhaps too soft for her headstrong nature! That is why his Majesty and I have considered entrusting you with such a great responsibility. We know that you shan’t spoil her every whim, but shall be drastic and severe in teaching her the rules of obedience and submission!’

  ‘I thank your Majesties for your confidence, but as the Princess’ tutor, I would rather choose my own methods,’ Lord Holder said quietly.

  ‘Indeed!’ my father voiced, chuckling lightly. ‘Alzbeta, my love, it would be best for us not to interfere in Lord Holder’s ways of teaching. I am sure that he is more than qualified to the task!’

  ‘Thank you, your Majesty,’ Lord Holder murmured, bowing.

  ‘Now, Irena, the matter is settled,’ my father said, gazing at me in a solemn manner. ‘The lessons shall begin tomorrow as planned. You have nothing to fear!’

  ‘Of course she hasn’t!’ the Queen snorted ironically. ‘It’s not as if Lord Holder is going to eat her alive!’

  Lord Holder gave a nervous twitch, then commented humorously.

  ‘Indeed, we can all rest assured that I am no ogre!’ he chuckled, turning towards me. ‘Please, Princess, do not fear me. You will soon see that learning is not a burden, but a pleasure and a privilege!’

  I simply nodded, still averting my eyes. The King stood up from his chair and came towards me. I looked up and saw my father gazing sadly at me. He put his hands on my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead.

  ‘My child,’ he murmured, ‘I want you to do well…I want you to be good and obedient!’

  ‘Yes, father…’ I said quietly.

  ‘I trust Lord Holder with my life; there is no better tutor in the entire kingdom!’ my father went on, remorse clear in his voice.

  ‘Yes, father…’ I whispered, nodding.

  ‘Now, go on, go play!’ the King resumed briskly, not allowing himself to reconsider at the sight of my forlorn expression.

  Looking down again, I gave a quick curtsey and turned on my heels. Once out in the garden, I let a few tears escape me, but wiped them off quickly. In truth, I had expected something of that sort to happen eventually. My sadness was the result of the confirmation rather than the effect of the accomplished fact.

  That evening, I let Nana comb my hair, paying vague attention to her chatter about the cook’s scandalous affair with a groom. Crawling up in bed, not really in the mood for sleep, I lay on my back, staring at the gold-threaded stars on the inside of the bed’s deep blue canopy.

  ‘Wouldn’t you like a cup of warm milk?’ Nana asked when she finished arranging my dresses.

  ‘No, thank you, Nana,’ I declined, still staring at the stars.

  ‘It’ll help you sleep better, you know,’ she pressed, concern obvious in her voice.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘However you wish,’ she shrugged, turning to leave.

  Suddenly, there was a soft knock on the door and I sat up in bed, curious to see who would come visit me at that hour. Nana opened the door and gave a small gasp.

  ‘Oh! Good evening, your Lordship! Is there something you require?’ she fussed, blushing.

  Lord Holder stepped inside my bedchamber, his vivid green eyes glittering topaz in the candle light.

  ‘Thank you, I just wanted to have a word with my pupil,’ he said softly, smiling at me. ‘You wouldn’t mind leaving us alone, would you?’

  ‘No, God forbid! Whatever your Lordship wishes,’ Nana stammered, backing out of the room.

  Even more curious, I removed the covers, wanting to put on a chamber robe and receive my guest properly, but he would not have it.

  ‘No, no, don’t trouble yourself, stay warm! he said quickly, seating himself on the edge of my bed.

  ‘Lord Holder, I’m sorry about today,’ I burst, recalling my more than improper behaviour in my father’s study.

  I was gazing at him remorsefully, but his beautiful face showed no trace of resent; on the contrary, he smiled again, all light.

  ‘There is no need for you to apologize, Irena, you have done nothing wrong. I came to try and ease your fears, if only a little.’

  I frowned, disconcerted. What could Lord Holder know of my fears?

  ‘Even if your father’s present obligations may have intervened between the two of you, he does love you very much indeed,’ he said quietly.

  ‘I know, I never said—’

  ‘Whatever else you may fear, never doubt of your father’s love for you—never!’

  ‘But he married Lady Alzbeta—’

  ‘Yes, he remarried because the state requires him to have a wife, but he will always be loyal to you!’

  I looked down, wavering whether to tell my guardian of the cold evil I had glimpsed in the Queen’s eyes, but decided against it. I did not know if I could trust him yet. Lord Holder put his alabaster soft hand over mine, and my eyes flickered up to him again.

  ‘I am now your servant and your friend,’ he said gently. ‘You may come to me for whatever matter, whatever pain. I am here to protect you always!’

  As his fingers were gently stroking mine, his expression frowned and he suddenly became serious. With a quick gesture, my tutor unfolded my palm and gazed darkly at the grazes left by the garden scissors. They had closed quickly, but his touch made me wince a little.

  ‘I know it must be hard for you now, Irena,’ he whispered, his eyes still on the cuts. ‘But chances are it will soon become harder. You need to grow strong and independent. You need to learn to see past the heartache and the sorrow!’

  ‘How will I do that? If father has another child with the Queen, he’ll forget me forever!’

  ‘No, he will never forget you, trust me, Irena!’

  ‘How could I trust you? Aren’t you his friend? Maybe it was he who asked you to come here—’

  ‘Your father doesn’t know of my visit, but this is also part of your education. I am here to prepare you, help you become the greatest princess Bohemia has ever known!’

  If I could have doubted his words, I could never doubt Lord Holder’s beaming eyes, warmer than the sun. I smiled back at him, grateful for the first time that my father had chosen him to be my tutor. There was still one question bothering me since noon and I took my chances and asked directly.